light up

your breath lazily traces invisible curls in the air before it twines and snuggles into the waves on my head as you exhale, settling there for the night. i am annoyed at this fact. but you look at the others and give an oblivious smile, a pretty, lazy smile that starts and ends in the eyes, of staining teeth in perfect juxtaposition, although they don't reveal the secret wayward molar. the conspirator fingers are somewhere near your legs, a burning strip in between --the commonality of your spoiling parts: fingers and teeth and mouth that like to travel in earthy places. no one else seems to notice.

(éè_)

i seem to be going in life forgetting exactly how i liked (or used to like or should look for what i like) in people, in the first place. with the smallest hint of annoying flaw, i pull the shutters to its fullest length, mostly never to raise it again. i fear how i am going to run out of friends in this journey at this rate. i do not want to become this person. i will lose the friendship of the universe.

you

you who lays official claim
to this heart and most everything else
you who never fails
to leave no emotion chambers empty
and my brain with trains of regret and flight
you who each single day tries
to greet a laughing good morning
and remind of yourself
you who at half a chance
would be left behind without remorse
you who always end with
the shorter stick and secret running eyes
you who should start thinking
of another heart twice or thrice

another you

out of nowhere an image just jumps out in my eyes
blocking my view of the blue square screen
and I didn't even see you in my mind
maybe that is how it works
you lurk in the darkened side of my brain
away from light, but there,
waiting for your spotlight

you are being removed
from a prominent place in my chest
but you claimed a seat nevertheless
even against my permission
you have been ruined thus far
to expel you from your wanderings in my head
but there you go claiming your importance
in the middle of my ochre paper and olive pen

seeking Opportunity

untangle myself from the locks of seeming impossibility
to see the tiny exit holes that must exist surely
into the realm of my dreams and secret heart
where my happiness lies and fulfillment trickles in waves

little trapdoors, shrunk to just my size
concealing the meadows of narrow cobblestone streets,
terra cotta buildings and sleepy countrysides in hazy frames

I beckon for that honey comb that will work through
the knots of an over-ordinary life, loosening
jumbled skeins of creeping despair with amber strokes and caramel sunlight

brittle black and brown rough wisps trailing
of dust and dandruff of plodding days
that take me further from the real beat in my chest

so I will seek to stumble into just the rabbit hole,
no matter the dark musty terribly strange claustrophobia
if only to help this Alice remove the rose in her eyes
to find the warts on these smooth dreams

a friend

hair lengthily spiraling over sharp dark eyes, cursing twisted back, rejecting incongruent hips, closing eyes over lopsided chest: the real worrywart, super obsessive compulsive, routine/habit freak --but also weaver of words, Master's in Un-emotion, fashion forward, lonely little only girl, mature innocence, little woman of the world

maybe you can take me with you on your grand elaborated carousel in my next life

:'(

Do you know just how difficult it is to stare your biggest dream in the face and not see any gaping hole through which to fulfill it? DO you KNOW? When all you could do is see it filter through flat glass as if on display, seeming so close but really an entire impossibility away. You know it, deeply and hopelessly stuck, in your gut that it IS what you want most in the whole Deep Blue Sphere...and yet there is NO WAY to get there. Money? None. Qualifications? Zero. Even if you fill your bank ceiling to floor, it will always just be temporary, it will have to end, and your mind will replay over and over your terra cotta house just slipping, away, into thin air, poof, nothing. Because you are poor. Because you are nobody. Because your dream is just too big for your tiny existence.

I want to believe in the universe conspiring in the fulfillment of dreams so badly. Deeply and helplessly.