goodbye

songs played at random that make me reminded of him cannot be so random...


yet, beholding my current situation, i cannot anymore claim the right to feel this way for him.

my own actions have robbed me of what limited rights i had.
truly, rashness occasions undesirable consequence.


and now...

i shall have to learn to forget such a person.

impetuosity has a price. and hence, infatuation becomes a foolish concept to uphold in view of increasing the complexity of circumstances.

no. pragmatism will best be practiced at such an hour as this. along with self-control. and strict discipline. there is no more room for error.


i will see him when i see him, but i will not hope for such day. more harm than good comes with fanning the fires.

and so.



only memories i will take... his name shall remain only at the tip of my tongue, known but never uttered... and although my heart on him cannot close, it will not wait for his coming. and if dreams permit, i might see him still ...but only when i close my eyes.

spirited away

i feel nostalgic...

...of a japanese animation

that reminds me of someone.

...because it's someone i can't have beside me...

...someone really special...to me and as just himself.





he is nigihayami kohaku nushi...

...and i am chihiro.

hear our story, that our love can live.

somewhere in the middle of nowhere

i don't seem to know where i stand in the worlds i revolve around right now.
i've neglected some of those worlds, and now they're starting to turn without me.
and if so, where would i go? would they still welcome me? or would it be appalling
to go running back? should i find another world?

i feel sad, empty.
there's no one to really to talk to who would understand. never had been.
i cant go pretending. i dont want to.
where do lonely people ease their pains? is there even such a place?
this place offers no sort of comfort. it remains mute; my cries, unheeded.

would someone please find me...

if i hadn't made me
i would have been made somehow
if i hadn't assembled myself
i'd have fallen apart by now

if i hadn't made me
i'd be more inclined to bow
powers that be would have swallowed me up
but that's more than i can allow


this is by incubus. it's called "make yourself".
kinda affirms that being self-made is something of an accomplishment.
oh, nothing ... i just like the idea of being self-made and independent....

okay. all right.
it's me being egotistic, thinking that i need no one, that i can get by on my own.
that's what i like to think most of the time.

in fact, i like the idea so much that it's become a part of who i am --and a liability.
one of the reasons i have few friends siguro... i dont know.
however im really the shy type, deep inside, you know. was and always will be, probably.
most people won't be able to see that nowadays... because i don't let them see.
and what they see would never let them believe otherwise...
so it's kind of hard to explain to them.

well, it's okay. at least, i know who i am. that's important. youwon't lose yourself
so easily when people sell you what philosophies they want youto believe.



hahaha. basta lageh.

hey hey hey!

wala lang... the girl's just on her own again.

is that a good thing?
um...nope.

a bad thing then?
i'm not sure...


[sigh]. still out of touch with the rest of the world.

just looking for someone to talk to.
and i found one...

--myself.



/me thinking to self: nabuang na gyud ni siya o...