and so i finally got over the major mess that was my 1st semester of my 4th and supposedly graduation year. and yes, as should have been clear months back, i will not be graduating. i totally f*cked up. to say the least. im supposed to be happy about it, 'cause i finally got what i wanted. i wanted to extend my stay in school --for some reasons i have the future to enumerate. so what's bugging me? aside from this shitty feeling that comes with colds and sore throat? i don't know how to break it to my family. i'm sure they'll experience hypertension if they haven't had. well, in the case of my dad, i hope he holds it down just in time (scary). yeah, how would my dad react to my premeditated failure to meet their expectations? i mean, i've been faring the least badly among his daughters all these years. what can i say? things don't always come out like you planned them. if it has for him, not this time then.
there's also this feeling that you call guilt. eating me inside. i mean, i'm wasting my family's resources, aren't i? i am sorry to have done that. so to compensate, i plant to get a job. to help ease things. i'm grown up right? so i have this sense of responsibility now. and i don't plan to be a deadweight on their shoulders. i'll lighten their load. i don't want to be no deadweight. independence is my forte.
what else...
oh yes. there's this situation at the pub that's coming. it's gonna make campus press management a bit harder. i dont care to elaborate right now. my head's all a mess, too. you get the idea.
hahay... but i'm still unhappy.
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