somewhere in between

i can look beyond, and i can look behind. but i can barely bear to look
at what is in front of me, what's right in my face.

i am currently doing a thesis, i did mention before. and still, i am
afraid that i might not be able to pull it off. there are just so many
worries that pop into my head every time i try to write... they tell me to
look closer and be cautious with every step because i might make a
wrong move and sentence the tiny beginnings of my thesis to oblivion.

to make things shorter, i am afraid to mess up and not graduate.

i need someone's help. someone who's been here before.

all i can see is what could be life after college. or what it has been before.
i cannot visualize how to work through my situation.

and there are only so many distractions that can divide your focus.
but i guess, what i have to do is picture how i'm going to get through this rut
to actually get out of it.

stating it is so simple. easier said than done. and that's what i hate.


i don't feel any relieved at all at having said this. haaaaaaay...