Ahh, life...

When I think about it, I've known a number of people in my life. Others may have known a much bigger number, but my number is big enough so that it becomes difficult to catch up with each one. And there are a lot that I would ideally want to catch up with on a daily basis.

I've noticed that I'm a different person to each group that I've become acquainted with, and that it's impossible to unite these different versions of me at one time, so that I can become just one person to all of them. I've imagined, that were all these people to meet with me at the center, what they would think.

But well, I think that it's still the same me they will be talking to. Even if I may act differently around the different groups, these groups will still find some common threads that lead to the same person.
***

There's this girl on my friends list that I think is so lucky. I would like to envy her, but there's just no point at being so. I wouldn't go anywhere near where she's at if I do. I would gain nothing in being envious. This girl reminds me of the things that I would have loved to pursue, had I the resources I need. I would have loved to be up-to-date with owning the latest gadgets, the latest books, the latest everything I'm interested in. That would be like having every material want at least, almost at my every whim. And that isn't bad, anymore. In fact, that's already great. It's just that I would not like to spend above which I find reasonable in the financial circumstances I think I'm in. I would have loved to watch the Incubus concert in Manila last 2004, for example. It was well within geographical reach but well above financial means.

That girl is in the U.S. now, and she already saw Chelsea FC when they came there. That only means that Europe isn't too far away for her now, which is also one of her aspirations. And the greatest of mine.

We don't talk much, this girl. We're only acquaintances at best. But somehow I'm drawn to check regularly on her account, see what she's been up to. And, I just think, she's having a ball where she is. Where I am, I have to put in effort to deserve that description about my life. But really, it's okay. There's nothing I could do. One could change his stars I guess, but it's not going to be as enjoyable as how William Thatcher (A Knight's Tale) did it.

P.S. Does this make me a stalker? Even if I'm not lesbian??? *cringe*

Sunday Reprieve

Just woke up after a kind of long night. I woke up to an empty house (well, my mum talked to me when I was still in bed, but let's just count that out for a more dramatic post, shall we), and that's fine really. Lately, there's not much great company to look forward to with the people in the house, so it's kind of a relief. A sad relief. After all, no one really wants that kind of thing going on in one's established comfort zone. It kind of removes the comfort, and you're left with...well, zone.

But nevertheless, I welcome the silence. I've always enjoyed being alone in the house, having it all to myself. The weather's great today, not too humid or too hot. Our garden's been looking nice, and we have two little dogs that I can't get enough of playing with.

It's Sunday, and people are supposedly out and about in the malls, in one way or another making church the initial excuse to be out. I better prefer this sort of therapeutic silence going on around me right now, over the hustle and bustle and bright lights of shopping malls. I feel deep here. I am encouraged to think randomly and to write, whereas, I only encourage my human materialistic tendencies when I'm wandering in SM or Lim Ket Kai.

I feel content... with what I have, with who I am, even though I have yet to take my bath. I'm not exactly happy, or devoid of problems and worries. This is just sort of a respite, from the world and from reality, yet while still being in reality. It's not something anyone can immediately comprehend, but no one has to really. I am not even trying to understand what this is I am in, but merely letting the sensations, the experience flow through. It's like a lazy-day-in-a-hammock kind of feeling, you know? Or maybe I'm just going slightly beyond my lunch hour.

We're never gonna survive unless.....We get a little crazy.