the mexican/eating words

(after believing in the script for a time, it was just a
motion picture made to make money after all. gahd, i could
be so gullible...)

one should really be careful of one's words for one
might eat them one day.

and i'm almost full of words i have so mindlessly
strewn around in here.

something's changed. ambot ba unsa. ambot again
if it can be fixed. it's not the same.

and i wonder now if my own feelings were merely
deceiving me all this time. are feelings really deceptive?
or do you just think that because you can never really
think when all you wanted to do was feel? or are you the
one deceiving yourself believing that all what you're
feeling is true, mutual?

why just couldn't feelings be allowed to prevail? or why
couldn't loving be rational so that you won't have to wake
up the next day feeling so embarrassed for exposing yourself?
or even if you don't feel that way at all, at least the other won't.

is that how love really is after all? being in pain? 'cause no matter
how one tries to be happy with that person, something always
comes up to bust your bubble. may it be reluctance to share oneself,
or the looming possibility of a one-way street. and it would be shitty
to be in that situation, one is inclined to think. if this is how love is
like, if this is how it feels like, then i envy those who aren't loving.

i'm tired of being the only one who seems to care about this all the
time. sumo!

and even if that stupid movie said that there is no giving up,
that there is no saying i've had enough in love, i'm about to. i want to.
'cause maybe i was wrong in saying what this really is. and that's why
i'm eating words i'm not even hungry for.