unloading

this is my favorite text color and my preferred font. (wala lang.)


i've read certain things today, which gave me cascades of thoughts
to unfold in my already cramped mind. but let me try...

blogs have become quite rampant (well, in my limited experience)
ever since friendster started hosting free blogs for its members. and
just for now, i can thank them for doing so 'cause i got to read some
people's thoughts. some people i know.

i very recently read this post from an estranged friend. i kind of know
what she was talking about, because...i just do. never mind you why.
i don't want to dwell too much on the details. it's sort of classified
information, after all, in a way. it's nothing big. there's just nowhere
else to unload this information to without having to make a big deal
out of it. even people you think you can say everything to can sometimes
not afford to give a listening and attentive ear.

anyway, i just know what she was talking about and i want to say
something about it --but what? they say never give advice unless it's
solicited or it's alife-and-death situation. i want to say something 'cause
i know she's in a confusing place, and i don't want her to keep hearing
only one point of view...'cause that's what's happening. i also want her
to decide for herself, and not only absorb what the people around her
think; i strongly suspect that that's the case. but well....here i am. this is
like a letter for no one. and it probablywill be.

and there's this good friend's blog that i also just skimmed......she's a
very busy person, and with truly a lot of things going for her. some part
of me envies her, for the way things are going in her life and for the
manner that she handles it all. she knows how to do it. that's just about
how i can articulate it. in many ways, she manages her life better than
mine. but i might probably envy her most for the way she deals with
people and takes care of her friends. i get scared and excited until my
emotions get the best of me. but she takes it all in stride. calmly, smoothly.
hmm. whenEVER can i be master of my emotions..
****

on a totally different note, i must lessen using my time on the internet
for leisure. i can always, always update my pages later. but i only have one (1)
year to finally get my thesis right and consequently, my graduation much more
tangible. and already, the clock has begun ticking away. i must learn to focus
on the more important matters at hand. these are trying times once more, and
i must not falter. there's only one path to follow for me now, and that's to march
down the graduation aisle. this is for my mom who's highly expecting it and keeping
her hopes up still; for my dad who's patiently working his butt off to see our
graduations and our expenses through at the same time; and for me, who's been
presented once more with this challenge and is wanting to be on top of it in the end.

i cannot fail.

cinderella song

i'll probably embarrass myself with what i'm about to write.
my only justification is, it's just too wonderful to hide.



i can right now say, with my head high, bashful but unashamed,
that i'm in love. probably not the over-the-fence, world-series
kind of thing --better. 'cause it isn't the kilig stuff that's causing
all these pretty flutters in my middle. this is...different.
spectacularly different.

it's peaceful. full, but not feeling the weight. it's just there,
infinitely between the stomach and the chest...

he may not be physically with me, but i really don't need
him around to feel this way. nevertheless, it's with him that
i most feel home.

i start regretting the past less, but also feel disinclined to see the future more. i just
want to live and cherish one day at a time. and that's only because i never want it to end.

and everyone seems to be rightfully where they are, and it seems
hard to hate anyone, and it becomes easier to be content. if people
felt this way more often, the world could be a much better place.

what would have seemed too ideal to be possible, is now very tangible.

no, it's not perfect. it doesn't have to be.


uow,i<3u.